"Hidden talent counts for nothing"

Red Ted is undeniably the most openly factional parliamentary leader the Victorian Liberal Party has ever had. In stark contrast to his lofty rhetoric of inclusiveness and respect is the reality of his Machiavellian pursuit of power. With ambition not seen since the early life of Mao Tse Tung; with paranoia not seen since the time of Emperor Tiberius; and a proclivity for nepotism not seen since the papel court of Pope Innocent the tenth - Red Ted is the ultimate hypocrite.

If you think about it for a moment Ted Baillieu has many of the attributes of a Roman Emperor, except greatness. Just like David Davis has many of the attributes of a dog, except loyalty.

Ted has height.

Emperor Gaius Iulius Verus Maximinus, also known as Maximinus Thrax or Maximinus I was a Roman Emperor that ruled in the 3rd century BC, he was said to be eight foot and six inches – no doubt some what exaggerated.

Ted has guile.

Octavius or better known as Emperor Augustus was renowned for his cunning and plotting mind.

Ted is deeply insecure.

The Emperor Diocletian was so insecure and threatened by the emergence of Christianity in the eastern empire that he launched the Great Persecution of Christians. He ordered buildings and homes torn down, sacred Christian books collected and burned and many Christians themselves arrested, tortured, mutilated, burned, starved, and forced into gladiatorial contest. All this ultimately failed and in 313, Constantine issued the Edict of Milan, legalizing Christian worship.

Not wanting to labour the point I will end the history lesson here. Let’s just say that Ted Baillieu, like the Emperor Nero, is fiddling while Rome is burning.

When there is news I'll post it, I just want you to know it’s time to go Ted, you can’t stop us. You are just not good enough.

Ted Squibs It

Ted Baillieu has announced his “new” front bench team. The take out is that aside from replacing three Libs who would have retired anyway with Nationals as per the Coalition agreement, Red Ted has squibbed the great opportunity he had to actually reward talent, and inject some fresh blood into the party’s tired line-up.

For instance, Baillieu could have promoted the very talented Mary Wooldridge into the Health portfolio. She’s young, hungry and intelligent. But instead, he chose to leave the walking monument to cosmetic surgery Helen “Chardonnay” Shardey there. Daniel Andrews will be breathing a big sigh of relief today as a result.

He could have replaced the terminally indolent Andrew McIntosh in the Police portfolio with Matthew Guy or Michael O’Brien. After all, there are serious problems within Victoria police – and the Opposition needs someone in that job who will prosecute the case seven days a week. McIntosh doesn’t even work Fridays, let alone on weekends.

Baillieu could have replaced Kim “Whodat” Wells as Shadow Treasurer. Wells has not exactly been a star performer in this key portfolio – and it’s territory the Liberal Party should own. Terry Mulder could have done well here. Or, given that John Lenders sits in the upper house, perhaps David Davis could have taken the job?

The Liberal Party will never get anywhere until people who have the ability and the appetite for hard work are rewarded. The Liberal Party has traditionally believed in reward for effort. By retaining seat-warmers like Wells, Shardey and McIntosh in roles they are demonstrably unsuited to, Ted Baillieu has shown that he does not.

This reshuffle is not about having the best team to take on John Brumby. It is about Ted Baillieu protecting his mates in what will prove an ultimately fruitless attempt to cling on to his job.

HELP - Can someone explain the term "News Cycle" to Ted?

In another strategic masterstroke, Red Ted is set to announce his new Shadow Cabinet today.

He could have done it yesterday. He could have done it tomorrow. But no, he thought he’d do it on the same day as the national apology to the Stolen Generation, just to make really sure it got as little coverage as possible.

Who the hell is advising Baillieu?

Not surprisingly, details of what to expect have been provided by Baillieu’s bitch Paul Austin in The Age today. Once again, there's no mention of the reshuffle in the paper that Victorians actually read, the Herald Sun.

We’ll provide a fuller analysis once full details of Baillieu’s announcement are available. Assuming we can find any coverage of them.

They’re coming to get you Ted:

There is a simple rule in conservative politics; if it’s in the Age it’s probably bullshit. Nowhere is this rule more relevant than when it applies to the internal machinations of the Liberal Party. Most liberals and conservatives understand this and give the contemptible, socialist rag a wide berth; that is, except for Ted Baillieu, Petro Georgiou and that epitome of treachery John Malcolm Fraser. If fact, you only have to pick up a copy of the Age to see the latest Liberal Party communiqué from Ted Baillieu’s office usually under his pseudonym, Paul Austin.

What Ted doesn’t understand is that the Age is not on his side. It is what we in business would call strategic objective misalignment. They simply want a different outcome to that of the Liberal Party – specifically the retention of the Labor state government. For the Age the battle grounds are drawn internally within the ALP. How do they, the leftist editors of the Age, exert influence over the dominant conservative Labor Unity faction within the party? How do they bring about their socialist utopia while undermining both a conservative state government and nullify the threat of an effective Liberal Party?

For the answer, again just pick up the Age.

Paul Austin’s latest contribution Baillieu scores a much-needed coup is a prime example of the Age strengthening the enemy of its enemy. By propping up an inept and gullible leader like Ted the Age can minimize the threat of someone electable taking the reins.

We here at hewhostandsfornothing know that the only coup needed is a coup d'état.

The coalition agreement is a positive step, we acknowledge that, but it is the minimum expected of a man who would be Premier of Victoria. Far from strengthening his position the coalition arrangement will damage Baillieu. By placing him and Ryan in the spotlight together the high performing National leader will by contrast highlight Baillieu’s inadequacy for office. The conservative forces of the old country party will not long stay silent, nor will they let anything get in the way of their primary goal - government.

The take away message for you Teddy is that the Nationals joined up with the Liberal Party not Ted Baillieu. Remember the nuance in Ryan’s statement ‘we are two independent parties coming together to defeat Labor and govern in Coalition’, it is telling.

But don’t worry I am sure they will give you 100% support, until the moment you are replaced.

Unfortunate Timing...

Well, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. And we, unlike others, are prepared to admit it.

The Liberals and Nationals have today announced they are forming a Coalition in Victoria. Given that this will affect the make up of Red Ted’s Shadow Cabinet, the delay is perhaps forgivable. This is probably the best thing Ted has done since he’s been Leader. While it could be good news, Red Ted has probably just made things harder for himself, as we’ll explain in a moment.

Less forgivable are Malcolm Fraser’s comments in today’s Age, clearly sanctioned by Red Ted, Petro, Judith Troeth et al. We know it was Petro’s idea, because it was leaked to Paul Austin (aka. Baillieu’s Bitch). You know, just as Red Ted’s private members’ bill and Judith Troeth’s opinion piece (written for her by Petro) were before.

These people are so daft they actually think it’s the (ever dwindling) Age readership who swing elections.

Fraser appears to be upset that there are conservatives in the Liberal Party. This is hardly a new development, but for the trouserless one it’s a profoundly disturbing fact.

Fraser bemoans the crushing of dissent by evil factional warlords and calls for the grassroots to be empowered. Yawn.

Let’s look at the facts.

Malcolm Fraser was an incredibly autocratic Prime Minister who had little to no tolerance for dissent. Look at the number of resignations from his Government over the years – Don Chipp, the forced resignation of Philip Lynch while he was on his sickbed, Reg Withers, John Moore - the list goes on.

Of course, Andrew Peacock famously resigned from the Cabinet and later challenged Fraser for the Liberal leadership, charging that Fraser acted “with a manic determination to get his own way.”

But apparently we’re supposed to overlook this and believe that Fraser is some sort of father figure who wants to foster unity and goodwill in the Party. John Gorton must be rolling over in his grave.

In bad news for Ted, Malcolm Fraser has declared him to be the great white hope, because he holds basic small-l liberal principles. Like being nice to Malcolm, we suppose.

In all seriousness, we presume Fraser is now cuddling up to Ted because he likes his views on social issues – abortion, immigration, the republic, the environment etc.

All of which would be fine, if it weren’t for the fact that Ted has just signed a pact with the most conservative MPs in Victoria and will now have 5 of them sitting in his Shadow Cabinet. The same conservative types that he’s got his mate Malcolm castigating on the front of The Age. It’s extremely odd timing, if nothing else.

The next few months should be interesting as the Nationals realise that they’ve jumped into bed with a man who doesn’t share their essentially conservative worldview.

As for the increasingly tragic Malcolm Fraser, he really should confine himself to Nareen – oops, no, that’s right, he was forced to sell that.

He can proclaim himself the defender of Menzies’ ideals all he likes, but we sincerely doubt that Sir Robert would ever have attacked his own Party via The Age.

Menzies was a class act after all. He never promoted Malcolm Fraser.

Waiting for Baillieu...

We apologise to our readers for the lack of recent activity. But, you see, we’re waiting for Red Ted’s Shadow Cabinet reshuffle.

Foolishly, we assumed this would be completed within days of Ted’s new upper house team being elected. After all, how hard is it to fill two jobs, sack a couple of other non-performers (like the invisible Kim Wells) and replace them with some fresh talent?

Apparently, though, Ted’s just been too busy to get around to the reshuffle. So two weeks on, we are still waiting.

If Ted wants people to think he’s a credible alternative Premier, he should start acting like one. One way to do that would be to complete a reshuffle in less than a fortnight.

Government is filled with daily tasks considerably more complex than matching names to portfolios. Is Ted really, honestly up to the job?

Then again, it could simply be the arrogant laziness with which Ted has come to preside over the Party. We all know that he is work shy, but this is simply embarrassing.

Big Red Ted’s Big Red Phone

You can tell a lot about a man by his friends and enemies. You can also tell a lot about a politician by whom he briefs in the press.

Ted Baillieu’s good friend is Paul Austin and The Age is his first call when he needs to spread the word. Some of Ted’s ‘colleagues’ on Spring St refer laughingly behind his back to ‘Big Red Ted’s Big Red Phone’, whenever presented with another spoon-fed offering from Ted’s lapdog at the Spencer Street Soviet, Paul Austin.

Here is a perfect example

Those students of political history will be familiar with the famous hotline to the Kremlin established after the Cuban missile crisis by President Kennedy. Popularly represented in Hollywood by a big red phone, it was actually a type of manual fax machine and it was located at the Pentagon not the Whitehouse.

Baillieu and Philip Davis have been involved in a hearts-and-minds internal tussle. Baillieu is the progressive, Philip Davis the conservative. (The Age, 31 January 2008)

Ted’s hotline to the Age is not the only throwback from the Cold War era. His and Austin’s views of the current political situation are similarly filtered though a prism of ideological prejudice. They see recent developments as a conflict between left and right; between what Ted calls small ‘l’ liberalism and the conservatism of Philip Davis or presumable Michael Kroger and Peter Costello. What they don’t realise is that this is not simply an ideological contest between the left and right but a broader battle between incompetence and competence; between those leading the party into electoral oblivion and those hungry for government and with the skills to make it happen.

Now that he exercises increased control over his party, expect Baillieu to shift the Victorian Liberals gently to the left. (The Age, 31 January 2008)

Ted also doesn’t realise that the recent ‘leadership’ changes are not a victory for him. Getting his way by appointing David Davis and Wendy Lovell only deepen his problem. By the time the next volley of public opinion polls hit the already weakened good ship Baillieu, he will have no one to blame but himself. Philip Davis and Andrea Coote were busily escaping with the last lifeboat; not running from an all powerful political threat.

I don’t know if Ted plays chess, but I imagine if he did he would make a lousy player. You see Ted you really need to look more than one or two steps ahead. Far from shift the party to the left, your imminent departure will only strengthen the position of your successors who will be free to mould the Party to their own agenda. By ramming through your factional appointments you have threatened to discredit your entire team. Once you are gone, your legacy will be discarded and no one will care.

The only person that will bemoan your departure will be Paul Austin and, let’s face it, no one reads the Age anyway.